Nov 09 2009
Complacency In Doubt
I hate to admit it. I am an easy target when it comes to doubting my abilities, especially when I am sick. You know that self-centered feeling like being confined in the small space of your mind where you are more aware of your body than anything or anyone around you. This is exactly the way I have been feeling this week. This confinement is most evident when the mind seeks activity within a body too weary to dredge up enough energy to participate. Complacency produces atrophy within the mind as an ill stricken body sags into the couch/recliner watching one episode of NCIS after another.
Doubt uses complacency as a wedge between what would be best for the body over comfortable death, a required effort to lift oneself up and into movement. Surely this sad remnant of a human could conjure enough mind to feel somewhat guilty. I weakly gave my husband a pitiful apology and that my sad existence would muster a way to make up a better acknowledgement of his birthday the next day, as tolerated. No guarantees. Fortunately, his mind dwelt more on his building project than his need to accept a one year increase in age. He will have to feel that one when it hits him.
Doubt presents itself most evident when the mind clears of it’s dense fog and wakes to the reality of all the opportunities missed while the body was complacent. I know full well that when I have a head-cold, the possibility of rational or creative thought becomes muddled in it’s dense fog, yet I will doubt I will be able to engage in fruitful productivity. The very reason I am writing this particular blog tonight using the best terminology possible—to exercise my mind back into productivity.
Fortunately, God is good! Although I could only muster to attend Sunday School with mild difficulty in keeping concentration and grateful for the prayers that followed me back home to rest, I was blessed in the ability to invest a reasonable celebration of my husband’s birthday (a day late) with a cake and a delicious steak meal with our eldest son. I, however, had the soup.
And with a deep sense of accomplishment with a clearing mind, I decided to rededicate myself to this ability to write and not give up to the doubt, brought in by complacency, with a renewed strength and with my confidence in God’s provision unshattered.
Blessings!
Nancy J. Rich
I was sick, I was very very very sick last month. I was in the hospital for 5 days for testing after I had had a fever for over a week and no ability to eat. They did thousands of dollard worth of tests and found a strange infection on my kidney that presented itself abnormally. I know where you’re coming from. I wanted to just die. I wanted to just sleep forever and feel no more pain, not to be poked with any more needles (my veins are apparently very difficult to find and once it took them 4 pokes before they got anything, this happened three or four times a day), not to deal with a body that had decided to lash out at me for no apparent reason.
When I finally got out of the hospital I found out the next day that the restarunt I worked at closed, no notice, no nothing, just closed. So, not only did I miss 2 weeks of work, I had a zillion dolllars in hospital bills (which my loving father is paying and I am paying him back whe i get the chance), I lost one of my major incomes (I had 2 jobs, my serving job was the easiest and fastest money maker).
What do I do now? I pray, I do it every day that I will find another job that fits into my schedule, I pray that God will keep giving me options and opening doors. He does, and he will. But I do want you to know that I am totally with you on the broken down body thing, and I understand the profound effects it has on the mind. Good luck, and feel better soon.
Every mushroom cloud has its silver lining